Urbanos is like that new hot guy in the building. You notice the moving truck, and see the items inside that pique your interest. An autographed Johnny Cash poster, a DVD collection with the Godfather, The Usual Suspects, and Pulp Fiction, a replica of a light saber (is it just me that thinks that’s sexy?). You find yourself aroused at the idea of this sexy new prospect and all the fun and naughtiness that may be possible. And then, after the newbie is all moved in, you try to find any excuse to pass by and check out the situation. Are there other girls there? Are they cuter than you? Lots of other guys? Are they cuter than him? Does he dress well? Does he dress “too well”? Are the smells emanating from his apartment pleasing? Finally, once you have assessed the situation, you go in for the kill and flirt your ass off until you get the date.
That’s how I felt this summer when I walked by the corner of 6th and Hope and saw the corner space being renovated with “Urbanos” emblazoned on the side in hip font. A pizza bar? Oooh, interesting. I walked by a few times, checking out what the potential would be for a little rendezvous. Could I see myself making this place my new spot? Eventually, I found an excuse to make my move.
On a late Thursday night, I took a friend to give Urbano’s a try. We casually ordered a salad, side of prosciutto and pie with a couple of beers, took our number and sat on the patio. Our food was dropped off at around 9pm. The only sounds that followed for twenty minutes was chewing, moaning and silverware clanking. Then it was over, and we looked at each other, panting, hair and clothing disheveled, we were amazed at how quickly and passionately we had eaten every morsel of food in minutes.
What has since followed has been a virtual orgy of dinners with Urbanos. Basically, we’re dating, we have an open relationship where I can bring over friends to partake in our love, and I think we are going to be very happy together for a long time. In fact, I have been out with Urbanos so many times that I have pictures of our many dates, but some of them are a bit too personal, and blurry, to share as I was giddy with my lust and couldn’t hold my camera still enough while racing to put all the yummy goodness in my eager mouth.
On one visit in particular, we had us a round. I brought my friend from out of town to meet the new, well, piece of meat. I was ready to order what I had the time before (which was the night before), the Scimietta pizza. Pumpkin puree, goat cheese, bacon and sage on that perfectly fire roasted dough…I had been fantasizing about it for an entire 20 hours determined to have round two as soon as humanly possible.
Upon pulling up to the playful bar area, equipped with only 5 seats, I noticed a familiar face in the open air kitchen, and had to thank him for the fantasticness that I had been putting in my mouth at an alarming rate. I called over chef Ilan Hall (that’s right, The Gorbals guy) and gushed over the divinity and pure sumptuous joy this Scimietta pizza had given me, that he was a genius, that he done good. And, like a boss, after he thanked me he gave me one of the best pizza related meals of my life.
We started with the Mixed Heirloom Tomato Burrata Salad. Now, if you haven’t tried burrata cheese yet, it is what I imagine mozzarella would taste like if Jesus blessed it with his tears. The texture and flavor has been known to make many a cheese lover’s eyes roll to the back of their head. The tomatoes were no joke either. Ripe, fresh and perfectly seasoned, they were the perfect counterpoint to the peppery arugula salad. And, to top off the greatness of any salad is the bread. Urbanos supplies an mini loaf of it to sop up all the salad yumminess. But what really made this night special was Chef Hall’s suggestion of a new pizza to try, a special pizza he was planning on adding to the menu that week. The Urbano Uovo. Mushroom ricotta, farm fresh eggs and…hell, he didn’t even have to finish that sentence, I was already salivating.
When it was presented to us, it was not the prettiest thing I had ever seen, but hot damn it was decadently delicious. The eggs, cooked just over easy, released their velvety yolks to make a sauce that mingled with the mushroom ricotta to make what I think may have been the best bite of pizza I’ve ever had the pleasure of eating. It was salty, hearty, creamy and just a touch sweet. I don’t think I’ve been the same since.
This meal was so fantastic, that I have now decided to take my relationship with Urbanos from dating to serious. And, quite frankly, I love Urbanos so much, that I’m willing to share with the world just so I can show off my sexy pizza stud and show others what I’m all worked up about.